It was quite a surprise to me when a member of the congregation asked me recently if I could reflect on "how to be a better person". I was very glad, as I always am, to have a suggestion for a service, but I was a bit stumped by this one, because I really don’t know much about virtuous living -- that’s not just a pious disclaimer but a fact of life! But I realized that most of us do have some ability to recognize goodness when we see it, and that looking at examples may give us some clues about the path to goodness or wholeness of character -- wholeness means the same as healthiness or holiness, so choose whichever word appeals to you.

My guess is that "virtue" is probably not a favourite word for most Unitarians. It sounds so stuffy, doesn’t it? Probably very few of us even have much wish to be virtuous, but like "holiness" "virtue" has good origins, meaning something close to "strength". And it provides an extremely useful framework for a talk like this -- you know, the Seven Cardinal Virtues. Oh, I guess maybe a few of you never heard of those -- funny, because I bet you’ve all heard of the Seven Deadly Sins! And interestingly, there’s much less agreement in tradition about what the virtues are than about the sins. So I decided to work backwards and look at what seem to me to be the opposites of the Seven Deadly Sins. Those Not-Good things are generally agreed to be

Pride -- I think the opposite is Humility
Gluttony -- the opposite would be Temperance
Lust -- and the opposing virtue is often called Chastity
Sloth -- the contrast to that is Diligence
Anger -- contrasted with Patience
Greed -- its opposite is Generosity
and Envy -- which I’m going to suggest is counteracted with Kindness.

So, Humility, Temperance, Chastity, Diligence, Patience, Generosity and Kindness. ...... They don’t immediately fill you with enthusiasm and excitement, do they? I notice some slightly dismayed faces among you, as if you’re not looking forward to hearing more about these virtues and how to achieve them! You probably sympathize with old Augustine, who prayed, "Lord, give me Chastity, but not yet." Well, cheer up, because their names are the worst things about them, and the stories are a lot better. Let’s start with Humility, Temperance and Chastity -- aren’t you just longing to know how you can be more humble, temperate and chaste? Sure you are!

Humility: here’s a story. As with all this morning’s stories, I’m not going to expound on it -- a good story speaks for itself. Just keep in mind the virtue that they illustrate and see if you can discern any clue to how you might become a better person.

During my second month of nursing school (says the author -- I’ve lost track of her name), our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'Hello'."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

Now, temperance -- the opposite of gluttony and addictions of all kinds, the virtue of being autonomous, independent of substances or circumstances. Here’s a story which has a bit of humility in it too, I think. I may have told it and some of the others before, but I know you can hear them as if for the first time:

A mother once came to Gandhi. "Please," she said, "my son respects you so much. Could you tell him to stop eating sugar? His teeth are becoming rotten."

"Bring your son back in two weeks," Gandhi said, "and I will tell him."

The mother waited, then came back with her son in two weeks. Gandhi sat and talked with them both. "I myself eat no sugar," Gandhi said to him. "It is not good for one's health."

After the conversation was over, the mother returned to thank Gandhi. "I have a question," she said. "Why could you not tell him earlier? Why did you ask me to wait for two weeks?"

"It took me that long to stop eating sugar," Gandhi replied.

And chastity, that virtue probably the least-wanted of all by Unitarians. Perhaps it helps to think of it as faithfulness, fidelity in the sense of never abandoning someone we love, even when desire or convenience tempt us to do so. Let me just remind you of the story of the man who died and found himself walking along a road with his dog. He came to a place that looked remarkably like the pearly gates, and when he was close enough, he called out,

"Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."

The man gestured, and the gate began to open. "Can my friend come in, too?" the traveler asked. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned away. After another long walk he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside.

"Excuse me!" he called. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there. Come on in."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler asked.
"There’s a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is Heaven."
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's the Other Place."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind."

Let’s spend a few moments now of quiet meditation on what these stories may have told us about how we can become better people, through cultivating the virtues of humility, temperance, chastity -- or, if you prefer, by learning to see that everyone matters as much as we do, that we each have our own dependencies -- to which we need not be enslaved -- and that loyalty to our loved ones is a very fine thing.

The next two virtues are diligence and patience. Diligence -- the opposite of sloth; here’s a story, first published in the Houston Chronicle by Jack Riemer:

On Nov. 18, 1995, Itzhak Perlman, the violinist, came on stage to give a concert at Avery Fisher Hall at Lincoln Center in New York City. Perlman was stricken with polio as a child, wearing braces on both legs and walking with the aid of two crutches. The audience would sit quietly while he made his way across the stage to his chair, remaining reverently silent while he undid the clasps on his legs, waiting until he was ready to play.

This time, just as he finished the first few bars, one of the strings on his violin broke. You could hear it snap - it went off like gunfire across the room. There was no mistaking what that sound People who were there that night thought to themselves: "We figured that he would have to get up, put on the clasps again, pick up the crutches and limp his way off stage - to either find another violin or else find another string for this one." But he didn't.

Instead, he waited a moment, closed his eyes and then signaled the conductor to begin again. The orchestra began, and he played from where he had left off. ....... Of course, anyone knows that it is impossible to play a symphonic work with just three strings. I know that, and you know that, but that night Itzhak Perlman refused to know that. You could see him modulating, changing, recomposing the piece in his head. ......

When he finished, there was an awesome silence in the room. And then .... there was an extraordinary outburst of applause from every corner of the auditorium. [Perlman] smiled, wiped the sweat from his brow ...... and then he said, not boastfully, but in a quiet, pensive, reverent tone, "You know, sometimes it is the artist's task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left."

And patience -- the kind that’s the opposite of anger. Here’s a story; it’s called "The Innocence of Boats," from Parables from other Planets, by Hugh and Gayle Prather:

The sage and adviser of the watery planet Yadosonara is So-To-Lo-Cho ............. As would be expected, many of his sayings involve boats, of which there are far more than people. One day a man named Pe-Te-Leet came seeking help with his moodiness.

"Give me an example of this 'moodiness,'" said Cho.

"No one looks where he's going," said Leet. "Last night a family in a swamp boat almost ran into us. I stood on our bow and watched ..... as the helmsman, a doddering [old man], left and returned to his post six times. He didn't even seem to notice us, and at the last moment I had to turn to avoid him. I, of course, became furious."

"Of course," said Cho, and fell silent.

"But what can I do about my anger?"

"You can do nothing," said Cho, "because you believe that your anger is caused." And again he fell silent.

"But his swamp boat almost drifted into us. My whole family could have perished as a result of his negligence."

Cho smiled and gently placed his hand on Leet's arm. "My friend, are there not many abandoned boats on the ocean? If from your bow you had noticed that the boat was empty, and yet it had drifted toward you in exactly the same manner, what would you have done?"

"I would have turned out of its way."

"And would you have been angry?"

"No, it couldn't have helped doing what it did."

"Ah!" said Cho. "Boats are innocent! You give the most important gift of all to a mere boat. And yet boats are not even your brothers and sisters. Your anger came not from the boat almost ramming you, but from the fact that it was occupied by a living soul. You know that empty boats cannot help what they do, and yet you believe that people can. And think, my friend: last night, you could not have helped getting angry. But now that you are no longer empty, you have a choice."

Do you think these stories are too simple for your complicated life or for the enormously complex state of the world? Perhaps so, but perhaps that simplicity is the very gift we need. Let’s join in singing Hymn 16 -- we’ll sing it once, remaining seated, then pause for a time of quiet meditation, then sing it again.

The two virtues which I consider foundational to all the others are generosity and kindness -- they’re almost the same thing, aren’t they, and are often put together as "love". A quintessential story about generosity is familiar to those who’ve read the Bible at some time in their lives; it’s attributed to Jesus, and is found in the Gospel of Mark:

Once [Jesus] was standing opposite the temple treasury, watching as people dropped their money into the chest. Many rich people were giving large sums. Presently there came a poor widow who dropped in two tiny coins, together worth a penny. He called his disciples to him. "I tell you this," he said. "This poor widow has given more than any of the others; for those others who have given had more than enough, but she, with less than enough, has given all that she had to live on."

And I’ll add to that the more contemporary saying about generosity of spirit:

Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.

Finally, kindness. No story this time -- because there are too many that could be told, and because you’re reeling from all these stories. Just my own fond memory of the wayside pulpit outside the First Unitarian Church of Hamilton, which for months carried this simple sign: "Be Kind." What more is there to say? And yet, the person who stimulated these reflections probably knew about the many kinds of good, yet asked me how to be a better person. Kindness, like all the other virtues, can be very, very difficult, especially for those who have never been recipients of generosity and love. It’s my conviction that only as we experience goodness, only as we receive it, can we respond by giving love and living better lives.

My hope for the First Unitarian Congregation of Waterloo, and for all our UU congregations, is that they can be settings for each one who comes here to receive kindness and thus be enabled to give it. May this be a place where all of us, members and friends and visitors, experience the Spirit of Love and learn to respond to it by living lives which embody all the kinds of virtue and love that that there are. Above all, may we know, right now, whoever we are and however we live, the truth of this final story, adapted from Rosemary Haughton -- a story which has been very significant for me over the past 12 years since I first was given it by a teacher at Divinity School, and which I dedicate particularly to the member who requested this reflection and to all those who want so much to live better lives:

YOU ARE ENOUGH

It is not enough, said her father, that you get all A's each quarter, play Mozart and dance. YOU MUST COME HOME EVERY WEEK WITHOUT FAIL.

It is not enough, said her mother, that you smile at Auntie Lockwood, take cookies to the neighbours, keep quiet while I am napping. YOU MUST MAKE ME HAPPY.

It is not enough, said her children, that you make us brownies, tend our friends and puppies, buy us Nikes. YOU MUST LET US CONSUME YOU.

It is not enough, said her pastor, that you teach in the R.E. programme, attend services and meetings, keep in touch with newcomers. AS LONG AS THERE ARE STARVING CHILDREN IN THE WORLD YOU MUST NOT EAT WITHOUT GUILT.

It is not enough, said her counsellor, that you integrate your childhood, struggle with demons, leave when time is over. YOU MUST STOP CRYING, CLARIFY YOUR PURPOSES, AND NOT FEEL THAT YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH.

"I give up," she said. "I am not enough," and lay down into the deep blue pocket of night to wait for death. She waited and finally her heart exploded, her breathing stopped. They came with a stretcher, took her clothes off, covered her with linen and went away and left her in the deep blue pocket tomb.

A voice said, "YOU ARE ENOUGH: NAKED, CRYING, NAMELESS, STARVING, SINFUL," and on the third day she sat up and asked for milk and crackers, took a ritual bath, dressed herself with wings, and flew away.

So may it be.